The defiled victim mutely screams its outrage.

I am a humorless, obnoxious little twit who can’t recognize irony if you hit me with it. My precious ‘scenarios’ come in two flavors (heavy handed and incomprehensible), my (unjustified) opinion of my sophistication is only matched by my completely unwarranted pride in my abilities and there has never been a documented case where I have actually managed to be deliberately funny.

I like to think that if I argue enough with them(people), and call them enough silly genitalia, sexual, lower abdominal, and fecal-related names, I will ‘win’ the argument, feel vindicated and superior, and totally change their way of thinking.

So we’re playing this game… there are about 20 of us on this map.

Goal is to kill only with head shots.

I finally get offed so I get to spectate.

My sister screams “I’M A GIRL, PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME!”

and about seven guys paused and she shoots their heads off.

WTF, WTF. WHAT KIND Of…what. I don’t even…

I don’t know whether to be disappointed with that or admire that tactic.

I’m insensitive. Charming really. Hey, guess what, I reel and panic from stupid shit too but I’m not going to wail on someone for not knowing and being ignorant of my ‘issues’. Welcome to reality, sometimes shit just happens.

Oh! I got triggered again by watching a moth fly into a lit candle and burst into flames, crashing onto the table in a streaam of tiny fireeee..

THE HORROR!

I HOPE MY TOWN DOESN’T GET NAPALMED AGAIN.

AHGHNGHANGHANGHGGN.

I need to see my shrink, wait. oh shit, they set her on fire too.

GOOD GOD WHAT’S WITH THE WITCH HUNTS?

Your vessel of tyrannical fear disguised as egalitarianism will never fool me.

I was confronted with ‘male privilege’ by a woman that did not know a damn thing about me and what I had to suffer through to get where I am now. It was not because I am male. It is not because I oppressed anyone. I scrambled through horror and high-fucking-hard work to get where I am. I am not respected by either gender at any rate. I look too female, females get alienated and hostile, I look too female, men get confused and angry at me, making shit up in their own heads that I was ‘coming on’ to them. This world is not friendly to the androgynous. Society wants you to be one way or the other and make sure you stick to double standards.

Because what had happened to me throughout my life, I became gender-neutral.

If I was mistaken for a female, IT WAS BAD.

If I was male, IT WAS BAD.

It is horrifyingly bad enough having a gender-identiy crisis when you are fucking six years old because you’ve been raped by left and right and they convinced you had to be a girl.

My own mother hated me for being a boy. THANK YOU, YOU FUCKING WHORE. I’m sorry I had no ability to choose my sex or choose to be born. I’m glad the fathers of my half-siblings took them away from you, a demented fucking whore like you has no right to have daughters or sons, not even a pet maggot.

Then growing up and girls getting mad at you for not being interested in them or anyone else. I think I gave some girls self-image issues because of my reluctance to find them attractive.

You know what my main goal in school was? MY EDUCATION. The last fucking things on my mind were sex and finding a girlfriend. Eventually, I did but after much soul searching.

Why would a 15 year old need to soul search?

What bothered me the most was that I KEPT TO MYSELF. I never went up to people to strike up conversations or to befriend them because I was bored or I was interested in them.

No, I was approached. THEY came to me. EVEN TO THIS DAY!

—————————————————-

But another thing is to be accused of not knowing what oppression feels like. Or what providing for a family feels like. What denial of equal opportunity feels like, or what abuse feels like, or what rape is. I’ve experienced all of it.

I’ve experienced it all. I’VE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

I wasn’t given MALE PRIVILEGE. I wasn’t even BORN with it.

I do not have male privilege.

As a male, I do not have privilege. I’ve been terrorized by MEN and WOMEN.

Fuck.

Your memories, your mind, your soul, your blood… IS MINE!

TAKE IT! TAKE IT ALL!!

Ah, regret. I regret not having appreciation for the golden goose in and of my life. I never understood the worth until it was all gone.

Their constant need to bathe in bloodshed twists the world in horrible ways, warping into an abomination.

Some of us are torn pieces from those that are still alive, forever missing part of ourselves, and we are forced to wander, hoping for that moment when we can reunite.

And some of us can not fade away no matter how hard we try.